Axin' Saxon/Transcript
Green's house, backyard (Episode title appears on Gramma's sword before it fades away.) Gramma: How dare you trespass on my property! YA! (shows she's cutting the grass) Ha-ha! We'll trim you weeds down to size! YA! (Shows Tilly having a tea party with Nancy and Saxon.) Tilly: More tea, Mama? Nancy: Thanks sug, but I think twelve cups is my limit. Tilly: And how about you, Saxon? Nancy: Saxon? Is that this little fella's name? Tilly: Oh, that's right! You haven't met Saxon yet. He's my closest compatriot/spiritual adviser. (as Saxon) "I also teach piano on the weekends!" Nancy: Nice to finally meet you, Saxon. (sighs) Sometimes I forget just how long I've been gone. (The Kludge's horn honks; Bill is on board wearing a fisherman's hat with fishing gear in the trunk.) Bill: We're headin' out, girls! I've been workin' like a dog lately, and I'm long overdue for a relaxin' day of fishin'. Cricket: (comes up, taking Bill's hat) I'm gonna catch so many fish, I'm gonna be drownin' in 'em! Remy: (comes up wearing a sailor's hat) And I'm wearing a sailor's hat! Toot, toot! Nancy: (walks over to them) Ha-ha...I hope you boys have fun! And hey, Bill? Thanks again for lettin' me spend the day with Tilly, it'll be really nice to make up some of that lost time. Bill: No problemo, Nance. Now, if you'll excuse us... Cricket, Remy, Bill: FISHING BOYS! FISHING BOYS! FISHING BOYS! (The Kludge drives away.) Nancy: (walks back to Tilly) All right, Tilly girl, I got an idea for some fun. Tilly: Saxon and I love fun! Nancy: Well, have a seat right...here. (They sit on the sidewalk next to mud puddles in the street; pause.) Tilly: Uh, Mama? I-I thought you said this would be fun. (A minivan drives through the puddles, soaking them with mud.) Nancy: Welcome to the splash zone!! (They laugh.) Tilly: (as Saxon) "Refreshing!" (The blade from Gramma's sword suddenly points her right in the face.) Gramma: You still playin' with that sack o' junk?! When I was your age, I buried all my dolls right there in the yard! (Shows various miniature tombstones with doll names in the dirt.) Gramma: I don't know who keeps leavin' the flyers. Tilly: Uh, but I'm bonded to Saxon, just like you and your sword! Gramma: What?! No, this is different! Swordy's special. That thing's just weird. Nancy: C'mon now, Alice! As long as I'm back around, I won't let you say another word about Tilly's...friend. Gramma: Fine! Have fun playin' in the mud, ya hippies. (leaves) Tilly: Thanks, Mama. It's nice to know that Saxon has a protector. I love you, Mama. And I also like you. (hugs her) Nancy: (whimpers with joy) Tilly: Well, I'm gonna go squeeze the water outta my socks and see how pruny my feet look. (She waves to her before closing the door; Nancy waves back.) Nancy: Yes! Nancy, you are really rackin' up the Mom points! (picks up Saxon) Saxon, right? Let's get you cleaned up. Kitchen (Nancy, now cleaned up, puts Saxon in the washing machine and starts it up.) Nancy: There we go, that oughta do it. Nancy, as a mom, you done good. (The machine suddenly shudders and an exploding pop is heard from inside.) Nancy: Oh, nonononononononono! (She opens the door and gasps; Saxon has exploded and torn up, spilling stuffing everywhere.) Nancy: Cream of wheat. River (The boys are in a boat the middle of a river in Big City, wearing life jackets and having fishing poles set up with lines cast.) Cricket: Uh...Dad? Are you sure this is a good area for fishing? There doesn't seem to be any fish around. Bill: It's a good area for relaxin'! And that's exactly... (gets a can of Splish soda and yawns) What I plan to do. Cricket: Pffft. Well, relax away, old man. I'm on a mission! I'm gonna catch the biggest fish out here! (He imagines himself holding a giant fish.) Fish: Wow, Cricket! You did such a great job catching me! You earned this! Cricket: You bet I did. Fish: Hey, wait -- what are you -- (Cricket eats him) AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! (Fantasy ends.) Remy: Wow! My buddy with a trophy fish! Cricket, I'm sure he'll take the bait! Hook, line, and sinker! (gasps) Those are all words that a fishing man would say! Cricket: Oh-ho, sweet Remy. Never grow up. Green's house, kitchen Nancy: (paces back and forth with the ruined Saxon) Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Don't freak out. You can fix this. Just as long as Tilly doesn't -- (A gasp is heard; a dumbfounded Tilly is at the door, mug in hand. She lets it drop to the floor and spill the water, then picks it up and throws it down, breaking it.) Tilly: Saxon...?! Nancy: Tilly sweetie, I can explain! Tilly: (takes Saxon) Give him to me!! Oh, beautiful Saxon! Hang in there! (She puts Saxon on the floor and does mouth-to-mouth resuscitation; she stands with her whole body coated in shadow and a blank look on her face.) Tilly: (quietly) He's gone. Nancy: Oh, Tilly girl, I'm sorry! I-I gotta come clean! Tilly: (contemptuously) You know, Mama...death is an undeniable fact of life...but murder must be avenged. The one who did this will not be forgiven...! Gramma will pay. Nancy: Well, it was an accident -- (realizes what she said) Wait. Gramma? Tilly: I can't believe she actually went behind our backs and did this to poor, angelic Saxon! Nancy: Uh...I guess...Gramma doing it would certainly make sense, but -- Tilly: Don't worry, Mama. I'm just gonna have a little chat with dear old Gramma. (ominously walks away) Nancy: Like a friendly chat? Tilly? Tilly?! (follows after her) Gramma's bedroom Gramma: (polishes her sword) Heh-heh. We didn't show those weeds any mercy, did we? Tilly: (barges in) AHH! I got a bone to pick with you! (shows Saxon) Gramma: Huh? Is that the sack man? He looks like the dog had some fun with him. Nancy: (walks up) Look, Tilly. Your Gramma probably feels guilty and is a little scared about ownin' up to it. I mean...I-I-I know I would be if I ever did somethin' so horrible! (nervous chuckle) Tilly: (sweetly) Oh, Mama. You aren't capable of such cruelty. You are kind, and noble, and honest. But Gramma's none of those things. (viciously) And until she confesses, I'm going to make her life a wicked nightmare! Gramma: I dunno what you're on about, but I'd like to see you try. (She reaches for the cup of coffee on her table, but Tilly tips it first.) Tilly: ...What are you gonna do about it? Gramma: I will FIGHT YOU!!! (Split-Screen of the two, growling at each other. Split to reveal Nancy nervously groaning.) Green's house, living room (Gramma is trimming her nails. She puts her foot into her shoe, which has been filled with a green goop. She raises her foot up. Reveal it's Tilly with several used cups. With both her shoes filled with green goop Gramma snickers. Tilly growls.) Green's house, Bathroom (Now without glasses Gramma relaxes in the tub. Tilly rises and pours cold water into the tub.) Gramma: Gaah!!! ... Oh. Good. I thought this bath was a little too... (Goes close to Tilly) HOT. Tilly: I will break you, old woman. (Tilly leaves.) Green's house, dining room (Gramma puts down newspaper and is about to eat a bread with pencils sticking out. She notices it. POV shot that focuses to Tilly. Pause, and Gramma ''eats the bread.)'' Gramma (OS): Mmm-mmm-mmm! Delicious. (Tilly, speechless, leaves.) Green's house, living room (Gramma walks in.) Gramma: Do-do-do-do-do! Aah... (Picks up remote) Time for my stories. (A red liquid drops onto her nose.) Gramma: (looks up) What now? (Someone has written "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID" on the ceiling in red liquid.) Gramma: Oh, an anonymous message written in red liquid. (Camera zooms out to reveal Tilly with paintbrush) If you're looking to scare me you're gonna have to try a lot harder. Tilly: Confess... Gramma: NEVER!!! I don't know what you're talking about, but I'll never confess to it!!! Tilly: I was going easy on you before, (holds hand up) but it looks like I'll have to summon my full wrath!!! Nancy (OS): (takes Tilly away) Oookay. That's enough. Tilly: (On Nancy's shoulder) Gramma's not broken yet. I'm gonna have to up the ante! (To Nancy, sweetly) I'm so glad you're on my side, Mama. Nancy: (sweating) Let's go outside for some fresh air. It's guilty - (realizes what she said) Mm... Stuffy! In here. Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:A Category:A-Z